30 March 2013: Coffee with my Girl

Went out for coffee and pastries with one of my girls this morning at Creme Pan.  It was good to get out of the house this week; it's been a LONG one!  I love chatting with her - J's always been there for me through thick and thin since middle school.  :)  Thanks, J!

Setting Love Free

I think I've come to understand the idea behind, "If you love someone, set them free.  If they return, it was meant to be."

While I don't like to delve too much into my personal life, I will come out and say it.  I had gone through a break up this past month and just last night, it was "finalized" for my own sake.  I had to know what was going on so that I can move on - we were never the type to keep secrets from each other.  I won't go into details as to why the relationship ended, but I'm just glad that everything's out on the table again and I can move on without having thoughts in the back of my mind as to whether or not it was "my fault."

It'll take a lot of time to adjust.

But because I know that I love him, I refuse to be the person to stand in the way of his happiness.  I will "take all the hits" and make due with what's going on.  Time will heal the hurt.  If I never let him go, time will do nothing but hinder me.

My parting wish is this:

I hope that whoever ends up being a part of your life, that she treats you with respect.  I hope that she cherishes you for who you are and all that you do - not just on the surface, but for who you are, deep inside.  I hope that she supports you in all of your endeavors.  Most importantly, I hope that she genuinely loves you and that she makes you the happiest person in the world.  I wish for the both of you to share in each other's accomplishments, joys and sorrow, good days and bad.  I only wish the best for you and your happiness.

I wish that someone was me.  But I know that for him, I was not that person.  For me, he was... my world.  I fell for him hard, and it'll be quite the journey to get past this.

We'd decided that the best way to go about this was to cut all connections with each other.  It hurts that it has to be this way.  But like I said, I refuse to stand in the way of his happiness.  If that's what it takes for him to be happy, that's how it will be.  I wish we could still talk as friends, but I know that that's not the best decision under these circumstances.  It's such a 180 from what we were, that it will take a long while to adjust.  Having said that, I believe this "closure" will allow me to do so more easily.  And having a phenomenal support group in my friends will help me along the way.

I hope that when our paths cross again in the future, that it'll be in a better light.  I hope one day we could get back to that level of friendship that we had once before and be able to talk about random things again.  For now, this is my final good bye.

My wish to everyone else is the same.  I hope that nobody ever has to go through such heartbreak and that they find the love of their life the first time around.  That may or may not be possible, but it's worth a wish.  :)

A quick thank you to all those who have supported and put up with me through this and kept me from being stupid.  That includes abccddd, USN, EDCF, co-workers, and strangers.

Steel Flame "Love Conquers All" pendant... you will be mine!  :)

28 March 2013: Costco!

Heading out to Costco right now.  With so many events that came up in the last month, I hadn't been able to stock up on daily necessities until now.

Rockin' the new patch!  :P  And I'm totally digging the new Pilot VP.  Thanks, y'all!  :D

Mooshbot Minions: Coin & Token Update

The guys and gals have been workin' up a storm to get this part of the project off the ground.  The challenge coins should be in my hands in 4-6 weeks.  :D  I'm super excited.

We'd finalized the design to be the following:

Front.

Back.  The name/Minion number is just there as reference.  :)  The challenge coin will come with that section blank so that Minions can engrave as they please.

We'd decided to go with a 1.5" size coin in antique silver or black nickel.  The preference was originally for black nickel, but it might have come out too dark to see the proposed design.

Soon after the challenge coin is finalized, we're working on the design of "business cards" and plastic tokens for handing out/leaving around to remind people to commit a random act of kindness and to pay it forward.

During finals week, I used to put a few dollars into an envelope with a note card attached, stuck to the snack machine, telling fellow students to have a snack/drink on me.  This time around, I'd like to try it with the note card/business card and the token in hopes that people would retain that token and continue to pay it forward.  :)

For the tokens, we're thinking of plastic molded ones, with the same or very similar design to that of the challenge coin.  Perhaps I'll redo the backside for the tokens unless people would want to "etch" in their name.  There was also the option of wooden nickels like that of the prototype coins in a previous post, but the plastic ones may last longer.  

Cheers!  :)

Amazing Support Groups :)

I've got to say, I've got the best support groups anybody could ask for.

USN members have helped to keep my chin up - some even going through the trouble to reach out and PM me to make sure that I was okay.

Yesterday, I went out with J and P for some drinks and a dinner at Earl of Sandwich.  They're always there for me when I need somebody to talk to.  There's nothing better than a couple of drinks with good company to get things off my mind.  They have been an absolute Godsend for me.  It's like they can sense that I'm feeling down or something.  In the past couple of weeks, on the days when I'd become most "depressed" (for lack of a better term), I would randomly get texts from them to go out for drinks (it's not all alcoholic, y'all!) or dinner.  J will invite me over for tea and just to talk sometimes, too.  10 years of friendship, and counting.  <3

Huge props to Mighty Max as well.  He helped me figure things out from more perspectives than I could have otherwise.

This morning, I was having a rough time sorting out my thoughts and feelings in light of recent events.  KAMM helped me through it over the phone while I was at work - she called me on her lunch break.  :)  My coworkers D, S, and K were all supportive as well; when they'd realized what was going on, they accommodated it while still keeping me productive.

I came home after work to find J waiting for me.  She'd gotten me ice cream and sat down to talk for a little bit.  From the other side of the continent, R texted me to help me get through things as well.  

Then there was this package from the guys and gals over at EDCF.  I didn't get past the first item before I fished out the letter.  Soon after, my tears of hurt and frustration turned into tears of love and joy.  It's absolutely amazing the things that these people will do.  In it were a few of my grails.  :)

Handwritten letters and postcards, Galco hat, Case Purple Passion Toothpick, a spiffy bear patch, purple bead, Pilot VP in matte black.  Not shown:  Condor Summit jacket, custom turned pen, custom turned toothpick holder.  :D

My sincerest thanks to all those who have supported me through this rough time of my life.  I've been trying my best to let things go and carry on - for the most part, I thought I was doing well.  But when I have nothing else to otherwise preoccupy my time, it's a little hard to keep those hurtful thoughts from creeping in and making me dwell on the past.  I'm getting there day by day.  It'll just take some time to sort everything out - all of these events happened so quickly.

Again, my sincerest thanks.  :)  I hope that everybody is lucky enough to have such varied and amazing support groups as I have.  It's nothing short of amazing.  :)  Simply, amazing.

26 March 2013: Gone Drinkin' + Dinner with Friends

My carry for the night.  Missing is my Skagen watch 'cause I forgot to take it off.  :P

Gotta rep it up at Earl of Sammich with my friends.  Got a Chicken Bacon Avocado one tonight.  :)  The chipotle sauce was pretty good, but I wish they had added more.  I guess I could have asked for more on the side, but *shrug*.  This was my first time at Earl.  :)  I think next time I'll go for the Turkey Dinner.  :D

Grabbed a Mai Tai and Zombie with some friends.  Nothin' better than some dinner and drinks with good company.  I wouldn't trade them for the world.  :D  Thanks, P and J!  We were able to nab the seats by the fireplace this time around.  Tonight was fun and we had some good laughs.  :D

Emotional Wall

I woke up from a nap and hit an emotional wall just now.  It was the weirdest feeling in the world.  Maybe that's what true love and the subconscious does to you.  I just woke up and was instantly filled with this intense sadness that I'd never felt before.  I couldn't even stop the tears, even though I was completely aware of what was going on and what it was that was making me sad.  As much as I wanted to stop the tears, I couldn't.  I'd never experienced that before.  It had to be my subconscious, for I wasn't thinking about the subject before I went down for a nap.  I don't recall dreaming about the subject either.

Following what I normally do when I wake up to kill the grogginess, I checked my messages on the forums and scrolled through Pinterest.  Then I saw this and it made me laugh:

haha Pinterest never fails to make me smile... :)  I still don't understand what the heck I was going through just now, though.  It was weird.  

22 March 2013: This One's for Willy

Just working around the house today.  :)  Gotta move stuff out of my room.

This is in response to WillyDigger from last night on EDCF... 

Why I actually own that puzzle, I don't know.  Maybe at one point I thought it was actually cute.  :P

Steel Flame Swag

Got some Steel Flame swag, today.  :D  Super excited!  Huge shout out to the Steel Flame crew for being super awesome.  :)  Thanks!

21 March 2013: It's my Friday!

The Best

Butt-Load of Fries, 1/2 'n 1/2 iced tea, and a Mini Magic Moo: Voodoo Poison.  :)

Gotta give props to my best friends, P and J. :) There's nothing like a random text on a day when I'm feeling down in the dumps to go have a drink and catch up.

And then having said friends lend you their ears while you rant on and on about your downer moments.

Thank you! And an extra thank you to P for staying behind an extra few hours just to talk and make sure that I was okay.

Y'all are the best. :)

20 March 2013: Home from Work Dump

Brought the Opinel to work 'cause it was the Breakfast Fundraiser this morning.  Missing is my tiny bottle of hot sauce 'cause I'd decided to keep it in my snack stash drawer.  :)

19 March 2013: Lounging Around the House

Mail Day! :)

Yesterday was mail day!  It's been a long, long time since I'd purchased anything "just for fun."

Quick shot of my fiddle items.  :)

• EDCF challenge coin
• USN challenge coin from G-IV (new!)
• Mooshbot Minion proto wooden coin
• Matthew 17:20 copper tag, handmade by a member of the forums  :D (new!)

The Matthew 17:20 went straight onto my key ring with my SteelFlame tags.

Speaking of SteelFlame, I'd just ordered a couple of items from them via their new registration system.  The ordering process was super easy and their website looks great.  I'm also working with Len on a KillboX and am saving up toward the Mini Amor Vincit Omnia (Love Conquers All) pendant.  I'm super excited for all of these items!  :)  I should get them by birthday time.

Onions - The End All, Cure All

hahaha  :D  I just had to post this:

Photo courtesy of my girl, J.  :)

Yep.  Onions.  Why does it make me laugh so much?  'Cause her mom's Super Asian and I love her.  :D  Let me explain.

My girl J has been having a rough couple of weeks, as she's going through some tough decisions in life.  Her mother's worried about her.  And to help with the stress and "bad spirits," clouding J's decisions, she places onions in J's room to help ward those bad spirits away.

There are 3 onions - for the holy trinity.

This isn't the first time that J's come home to onions in her room.  It happens all the time - whenever there are bad vibes, sickness, anything.  It's an old wives' tale back home.  An end all, cure all.  :)

I love learning about all of these wives' tales.  My favorites from my friend M's mother (RIP, ma'am), "Don't shake the water.  When you drink it, your tummy will feel queasy."  and "Don't drink in the dark; it'll make you stupid."

Curt-Benza-Made Knife

Putting all ethics and economics aside...

I find "fakes" and "clones" of various products interesting.  I don't know why, I just do.  There's just something about them that intrigues me.

So through my various moseying around the Interwebz, I found this oddity today:

I call it... the Curt-Benza-Made.  :)

I don't know.  Something about it just was interesting.  It wasn't an exact clone.  It wasn't a fake, per se.  It was a ... collection of various aspects of other knives that was mashed together.  The general shape of the knife (Sebenza), the axis lock (Benchmade), and what looks like a rendition of the older version of Curtiss's S.P.O.T. pivot design.

Would I buy this?  No.  One day, I'll own a CRK Sebbie.  I'm on the list for a Curtiss at the moment.  :)  And I already own a Benchmade:

haha I don't know.  :)  I just had to laugh.  It's just interesting.  If I didn't know about these custom knife makers and how much passion they put in to making and designing their knives, and learn about knives in general, I probably would have bought one for the sake of having a pretty knife and what I would have assumed to be a "good" knife.  Back then, I wouldn't know the difference between a $10.00 knife and a $100.00 knife; that's now changed.  But that doesn't change the fact that I still find these fakes/clones interesting.  :)

I guess I do have to give this guy some prop for at least not making an exact duplicate of a Sebbie like those other ones you see on the aliexpress site.  They'd put their name on the blade instead of Chris Reeves or something.  Those other ones are straight up fakes and have the guts to put Mr. Reeve's name on their knives and sell them as such.  Horrible.  :(

And the World Keeps Crumbling...

The past two weeks have been harsh.

Grandma passed away. I had exams right after the funeral, with not much time to cope. At the same time, I had gone through some relationship hiccups. I also had a falling out with a couple of friends, though we've started on a fresh slate now.

I was awoken about 20 minutes ago (0423 this morning)... I'd just lost my uncle. It was so unexpected. I'm still not sure what's going on.

I'm still trying to get used to the events that happened last week. And to be hit with another death in the family... It's a lot to take in.

RIP, Uncle. You'll be missed.

Mooshbot Minions: Coin Prototype

Finished my first couple Mooshbot Minion prototype coins.  They didn't turn out horrible, is all I could say.  haha :D  These ones are mine (#355) and KAMM's (#002).  I couldn't think of anything to write in the back, so I just went with, "Create a smile.  It starts with you."  Which... to be honest, I'm not *too* fond of.  haha

:)  Uphold the values of the Minions, y'all!  I'll soon start up a list of names of our fellow Minion brethren.

Pasadena Custom Knife Show 2013

Today was my first time at the Pasadena custom knife show.  :)  I'm looking forward to Plaza Cutlery's again in the fall-ish time.  It was pretty cool.  I met a bunch of USN brothers and sisters.  I didn't hear of any EDCF members coming.  There were some pretty great knives - I missed out on Pohan's folding knives by like 2 minutes.  There was a friction folder that I was interested in, but passed on.  Now I kind of regret it.  haha It would have been nice to keep up the "tradition" of picking up an inexpensive friction folder from each show.  :P

I didn't leave empty handed, though.  I went ahead and picked up a Victorinox Rogue.  For those who are unaware, it's like a Vic Classic, but with a bottle opener.  :)  Cute little thing.  This is a pocket dump of myself and Kit's.  Little Dragon and cousin Blurple got to meet for the first time.  Everything else of mine is pretty much the same... The Timbuk2 pouch was taken from EDCF's Passaround box.  In it is my Goal Zero Guide 10+, which fits perfectly!  And then the charging cable is held securely in the velcro flap in the back.

Lunch time at Dog Haus Biergarten was delicious!  Happy hour, y'all!  :D  Tater tots, mini hot dog, mini corn dog, sliders... and some other hot dog that Kit got.  We both got a pretty delicious beer, though I'm not sure what it's called.  I think the word "nautical" was in the name, though.

All in all, it was a good day.  Despite the nearly hour long drive to get there... haha :)

CRK Carbon Fiber INLAY Sebbie

Photo from BladeHQ.com

HOLY MOLY!  Have y'all seen this yet?  :)  Since getting into knives, I'd always thought that the Sebbie was a pretty knife.  There are plenty of other knives that I find sexy (TAD/Fellhoelter, anyone? and perhaps Les George's VECP as well), but the Sebbie's kind of a nice "gentlemanly" folder that still can be put in the "hard-use" category (YMMV).

For about a year now, I'd mused over getting one.  Then about 6 months ago, I saw the carbon fiber scaled ones.  I'd been on the fence about either.  Now CF INLAYS?!  That's like the best of both worlds!  :D Should I ever decide on actually going forth and buying a Sebbie, it'll probably be this one.

I hope they come out with the Small 21 version of this if I do decide on getting one.  :)  The price on these big'uns is $510.00... and it doesn't fit my hands very well.

Great Pick Me Up. :)

**  Just some more good vibes I found while on Pinterest.  It's a great pick me up for the week.  :)  **

Mooshbot Minion V1.0: RoboCow

Mooshbot Minion V1.0 - RoboCow

I got a little bored in class today and was really hooked on the idea of making Mooshbot Minion tokens of sorts.  Beer tokens, challenge coins, dog tags, poker chips, wood nickels... I think I like the poker chip idea best.  Nice size and all.

Mooshbot Minions just like to make people smile... which is kind of the whole point of the journey of my blog.  As it says in the heading, you've got to find a reason to smile and not forget to create it for others.  How awesome would it be if all of the Mooshbot Minions slowly infected the world, one smile and good deed at a time?  :P

In the Midst of All Things Sad, There is Still Joy

As y'all know, it's been a rough week for me.  But through all of the sadness, frustration, anger, and all things unhappy, there is still joy to be found.  :)

My buddy R randomly texted me this message yesterday night.  I had been going through something that had me heartbroken and unable to focus on much else.  Exams were that night, and I wasn't excited about it.  When I got to my car, it didn't start.  But shortly after all of that, I get this text from R, who is on the other side of the country.  Without knowing what was going on, she texts this, and my day was good again.  :D

Tonight, I'd gone to a GI Joe SAR meeting to update myself on the current events.  I'm still having a rough time coping with things going on lately, but I'm doing considerably better in comparison to past days.  Anyway, the meeting concludes, dinner concludes, and of course, fortune cookies come out.  :)  This one instantly brightened my night. :D

How crazy is it that all of this comes together?  :)  These random bits of awesomeness has really been great pick-me-ups.  :D

A Note to EDCF Members

This past week has been more or less one of the worst weeks I've had of late, and this week is only going to get harder to handle, with what's to come.

With my Real World situations, the EDCF "problems" (for lack of a better word) are very, very minuscule and petty in comparison.  While they are still things that clash with my personality, they are still petty - they always have been and I acknowledge that.  I left in the heat of the moment when all of the little things added up and I couldn't continue to brush it aside anymore, on top of the Real World problems that I had to deal with.  I still stand by those feelings - but I think I can handle them better now.

The outpouring support that EDCF members have shown me through my time of weakness has been amazing.  I would like to thank the members who set aside all assumption of why I had left and found other ways to contact me to make sure that I was okay.  Whether the problems I had were EDCF related or not, EDCF members were there to lend an ear.  My sincerest thanks.

Even when I'm alone, I'm never really alone.  :)

Right now though, with all that is going on, I still need to stay off the forums.  I really need to step back and take a little while to sort through my Real Life problems and take it day by day.  If you're wondering why I'm still over on the other forums (USN, MTO, BF, etc.), it's because I'm not active there and I hadn't created any ties with people over there.  I kind of just want to be left alone to figure things out for myself.  Or rather, just have one-on-one conversations (as I've been doing with members who have e-mailed me).

Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week...  You'll see me pop up around in the forums again.  The favorite part of my day was always to welcome the newbies and answer any questions of any member, via PM or on the public forums.  Whenever I feel ready to, I'll swing by.  For now, I still stand by my decision to stay away.  It'll just be a slow transition into coming back if/whenever it is that I decide to and feel ready for.

I don't quite think I got everything out that I need to just yet, and I apologize.  I'll get around to it when I can formulate my thoughts better.  I admit that leaving was a rash decision - in a sense, with all that was going on, I took my pains out on EDCF.  I apologize.

On a side note.  I'd want to personally label y'all as Mooshbot Minions.  hahaha :P  Challenge coin, anyone?  Joe used to hand out buttons that said, "Joe approves of this person."  :)

Mad Props to KAMM :D

Mad props to Ms. KAMM tonight.  :)  I was having one hell of a day, having gone through a bunch of personal hurdles.

Though it's been a while since our last chat, we picked up more or less where we left off, less some stuff we glanced over last week (just about one of the worst weeks I can recall as of late).

We've got our differences.  But thanks for being there when I needed someone.  And THANKS a bunch for helping me start up my car.  While she's a good 6 hours' drive away, and at work, she still made the effort to call up and text her friends to see if she could somehow get info on how to get my car started.  :)

Long story short, I'd come out of my exams only to find that my car wouldn't start.  Jumping the battery didn't quite work.  So I texted a few friends and I had only enough battery life for one or two phone calls.  Sadly, none of them knew anything about cars and the ones who would have been able to help weren't available.  Nobody in my family picked up their phones.  :(  I was stuck at school after having had a pretty rotten day.  In comes KAMM to help save the day.

SUPER TINY TWIN DUO PURPLE TEAM FUN SQUAD, F*CK YEAH!

Eventually, about 2 hours later, I found somebody to help in the parking garage.  And now I'm home safely.  :P

Thanks, girlie!  :D  You're freaken awesome.  I do have some things to talk to you about, though!  You owe me a phone call tomorrow.  :P

Wax Seals :D

I love handwritten letters.  I send mail to my out-of-state friends fairly often.  :)  The finishing touch on them has always been a red wax seal, with the initial "J."  I got interested in wax seals several years ago while active on FPN.  I'd gotten the initial seal from the wedding section of Michaels (about $3.00 with a coupon) and some sealing wax (4 sticks for ~ $3.00 after coupon) since it was the only one I could find locally and within my student budget.

Double hearts seal, red sealing wax, letter, and Triumvir lighter.

Fast forward until now, I own a few more.  Since expanding my collection, I've started to look into custom seals (as well as embossers).  As of late, my love for adding that bit of personal flair to my letters have been rekindled.  

While browsing through Pinterest, I happened upon a person on Etsy (here) who makes custom seals for $20.00 and about $5.00 shipping and about 10 handle colors to choose from (I want purple!).  Now all I've got to figure out is how I want the design... $20.00 and shipping is more than reasonable for a custom seal.

I've also always wanted a seal ring (and figure out how to EDC the wax).  I found this one today:

They had these up for sale in 2011 for $35.00; I wonder if they'll still make 'em... (here) 'cause that's pretty rockin'.

He's a Man Now :)

This past week has been rough.  But as I said in my previous post, it was bittersweet.  Though the passing of my grandmother, I was able to reunite with siblings that I hadn't seen in well over 10 years.  I'm only 23 at this time and I'd missed out on being a big sister.

C1 is now 19 years old, fresh out of high school as of last summer.  I missed his graduation, something I wholeheartedly regret.  During the memorial, (while Mom and Dad were out of earshot) I told him, "C1, you're now a man.  I'm sorry I missed your graduation.  But here is something I've been meaning to give you.  A man should always carry on him, a good knife."

Because I didn't study up on the knife laws of his county (we're in separate states), I chose to give him a Spyderco Squeak.  I could have done better, but it was cute, non-locking, and with a decent sized blade.  As far as I know, it probably passes basically any county knife law.  C1, I also promised you that when you turn 21, we're getting you a CCW.  :)

I still can't believe I've missed so much of y'all growing up.  All 4 of you.  I hope to keep in better contact with you from here on out.  I love you!

Grandma, again, thank you for bringing us all back together, even if only for a week.

In loving memory of Maria.

1921 - 2013

Life's Bittersweet Moments

Grandma, it was hard to say goodbye.  But I'm glad you'll be spending the rest of eternity with Grandpa.  70 years of marriage is something not many can boast about.  Here's to spending the rest of eternity with the one you've always loved.  Cheers.  I wish you all the best.

While your passing left me heartbroken, I still found some happiness in the end.  Your passing brought together family I haven't seen in well over 10 years.  Thank you for bringing us together.  I've missed Mom and the kids so much.  It was wonderful to be held and loved once again.  10 years is a long time.  10 years of not watching babies grow up.  I wish I was around to guide them, as a big sister should have.  But being many miles apart, it was hard.  Texting and phone calls were one thing, but nothing can replace actually seeing the kids.  Today, that changed.  Even for a brief moment, I was once again reunited with my family.  Monday, they'll be going back home - who knows when I'll see them again.  But I'll cherish today like no other.

Goodbye, Grandma.