Setting Love Free

I think I've come to understand the idea behind, "If you love someone, set them free.  If they return, it was meant to be."

While I don't like to delve too much into my personal life, I will come out and say it.  I had gone through a break up this past month and just last night, it was "finalized" for my own sake.  I had to know what was going on so that I can move on - we were never the type to keep secrets from each other.  I won't go into details as to why the relationship ended, but I'm just glad that everything's out on the table again and I can move on without having thoughts in the back of my mind as to whether or not it was "my fault."

It'll take a lot of time to adjust.

But because I know that I love him, I refuse to be the person to stand in the way of his happiness.  I will "take all the hits" and make due with what's going on.  Time will heal the hurt.  If I never let him go, time will do nothing but hinder me.

My parting wish is this:

I hope that whoever ends up being a part of your life, that she treats you with respect.  I hope that she cherishes you for who you are and all that you do - not just on the surface, but for who you are, deep inside.  I hope that she supports you in all of your endeavors.  Most importantly, I hope that she genuinely loves you and that she makes you the happiest person in the world.  I wish for the both of you to share in each other's accomplishments, joys and sorrow, good days and bad.  I only wish the best for you and your happiness.

I wish that someone was me.  But I know that for him, I was not that person.  For me, he was... my world.  I fell for him hard, and it'll be quite the journey to get past this.

We'd decided that the best way to go about this was to cut all connections with each other.  It hurts that it has to be this way.  But like I said, I refuse to stand in the way of his happiness.  If that's what it takes for him to be happy, that's how it will be.  I wish we could still talk as friends, but I know that that's not the best decision under these circumstances.  It's such a 180 from what we were, that it will take a long while to adjust.  Having said that, I believe this "closure" will allow me to do so more easily.  And having a phenomenal support group in my friends will help me along the way.

I hope that when our paths cross again in the future, that it'll be in a better light.  I hope one day we could get back to that level of friendship that we had once before and be able to talk about random things again.  For now, this is my final good bye.

My wish to everyone else is the same.  I hope that nobody ever has to go through such heartbreak and that they find the love of their life the first time around.  That may or may not be possible, but it's worth a wish.  :)

A quick thank you to all those who have supported and put up with me through this and kept me from being stupid.  That includes abccddd, USN, EDCF, co-workers, and strangers.

Steel Flame "Love Conquers All" pendant... you will be mine!  :)

Amazing Support Groups :)

I've got to say, I've got the best support groups anybody could ask for.

USN members have helped to keep my chin up - some even going through the trouble to reach out and PM me to make sure that I was okay.

Yesterday, I went out with J and P for some drinks and a dinner at Earl of Sandwich.  They're always there for me when I need somebody to talk to.  There's nothing better than a couple of drinks with good company to get things off my mind.  They have been an absolute Godsend for me.  It's like they can sense that I'm feeling down or something.  In the past couple of weeks, on the days when I'd become most "depressed" (for lack of a better term), I would randomly get texts from them to go out for drinks (it's not all alcoholic, y'all!) or dinner.  J will invite me over for tea and just to talk sometimes, too.  10 years of friendship, and counting.  <3

Huge props to Mighty Max as well.  He helped me figure things out from more perspectives than I could have otherwise.

This morning, I was having a rough time sorting out my thoughts and feelings in light of recent events.  KAMM helped me through it over the phone while I was at work - she called me on her lunch break.  :)  My coworkers D, S, and K were all supportive as well; when they'd realized what was going on, they accommodated it while still keeping me productive.

I came home after work to find J waiting for me.  She'd gotten me ice cream and sat down to talk for a little bit.  From the other side of the continent, R texted me to help me get through things as well.  

Then there was this package from the guys and gals over at EDCF.  I didn't get past the first item before I fished out the letter.  Soon after, my tears of hurt and frustration turned into tears of love and joy.  It's absolutely amazing the things that these people will do.  In it were a few of my grails.  :)

Handwritten letters and postcards, Galco hat, Case Purple Passion Toothpick, a spiffy bear patch, purple bead, Pilot VP in matte black.  Not shown:  Condor Summit jacket, custom turned pen, custom turned toothpick holder.  :D

My sincerest thanks to all those who have supported me through this rough time of my life.  I've been trying my best to let things go and carry on - for the most part, I thought I was doing well.  But when I have nothing else to otherwise preoccupy my time, it's a little hard to keep those hurtful thoughts from creeping in and making me dwell on the past.  I'm getting there day by day.  It'll just take some time to sort everything out - all of these events happened so quickly.

Again, my sincerest thanks.  :)  I hope that everybody is lucky enough to have such varied and amazing support groups as I have.  It's nothing short of amazing.  :)  Simply, amazing.

Annual Get-Together (149/365)

Tonight was ABCCDDD's 10th annual dinner get-together.  :D  I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends to share this with.  P, J, R, K, K, and I have been friends since the 7th grade.  While we have all went our separate ways to study abroad, out of state, or even start our careers, we've all have always made the effort to come together each and every year to spend time with one another.

This year wasn't as packed full of games and such as much as when we were younger.  Instead, now that we have grown up together, the night consisted of dinner (stuffed mushrooms by P, a salad bar by myself, mini desert apple pies by R, a pasta dish by J, and bbq chicken by K), a gift exchange, and then the night was finished off simply with just talking and catching up over a few glasses of wine and dessert.

It was funny, sitting there, thinking back about our "younger" days.  :P  We joked around and complained that, "Man, we're old now.  It's only 8:30pm?!  Dang... we're old."  Great times were had and even greater memories were made.  :)  I can't wait for next year's get-together.